You know how cats love to bring dead birds, lizards and, in rare cases, socks to their humans? Well, Printy just brought in a big piece of bacon. And then ate it in front of me.
This raises some interesting questions: Why? Why me? Where the hell did she get it? (Our neighbours? A nearby bacon tree?) Is she going to throw it up? Near me?
What was she thinking? (My best guess: CAN HAS PIG MEATZ NAO?)
LOLPRINTY macros will be looked upon with great favour and amusement.
May 16, 2008
May 08, 2008
So, Prozac gives you vivid dreams and in the last week or so the nightmares have returned (why do they go? why can't they go back there?) and are so consistent that I've actually noticed a pattern. Warning, this is some freaky shit right here and possibly a window into my brain that you don't want to look through.
Phase One: something lovely happens to me, often involving cuddles and acceptance. This phase is usually very tactile and detailed. Some vaguely nasty undertones, but nothing I don't ignore using dream logic.
e.g. I discover a new creature kind of like a cat and there are two of them and they depend on me for everything and I love cats so it's all good. Sure they drink blood, but that's not really a problem, right?
Phase Two: Weird interlude. Something odd but pleasant enough happens which takes me out of the situation of phase one. Also tactile, but not so overwhelmingly lovely.
e.g. Go on a tour of a garden of alien plants. In the meantime, arrange for the first delivery of live food to the cat things, and they tear it to pieces as expected. They're also growing really fast, but nothing to worry about, right?
Phase Three: Something ghastly happens. Usually quite vague on the physical details (thank christ) but also the start of the really evil subversion/blame thing that my brain does to me in this dream.
e.g. Cat things dismember their first human victim leaving the bits in my room. It's someone I love and they're doing it because they need to (not their fault) and they wouldn't hurt me (because they love me).
Phase Four: Attempt to solve the problem which goes Very Badly.
e.g. Decide to destroy the cat things, so I capture one of them in a big glass jar (for maximum pathos) but the other one escapes. The one in the jar starts starving to death. I realise that they're silicon based lifeforms and that more of them are evolving/transforming from ahem, my anime figurines. (Wtf brain, thx for that.)
Phase Five: Realise the real solution is to destroy someone or something I love, so I do. This is fucking unrelentingly grim, sometimes involving me crying the whole time.
e.g. I have to burn all my anime figures but for some reason I can't admit to anyone that I've worked out which thing of mine they're transforming from, so instead I have to box up everything I own and throw it on to a fire, with the help of the people who don't understand why people keep getting killed by the still-at-large cat thing and are grieving for their loss.
Phase Six: no real resolution, just more self-blame. Wake up. Have a great day!
I can remember three versions of this sequence in detail and suspect that there are more. I'm hoping that writing this down will help to exorcise it, or at least improve my chances of realising that it's all a dream while I'm in there. Wish me luck, dear reader.
Phase One: something lovely happens to me, often involving cuddles and acceptance. This phase is usually very tactile and detailed. Some vaguely nasty undertones, but nothing I don't ignore using dream logic.
e.g. I discover a new creature kind of like a cat and there are two of them and they depend on me for everything and I love cats so it's all good. Sure they drink blood, but that's not really a problem, right?
Phase Two: Weird interlude. Something odd but pleasant enough happens which takes me out of the situation of phase one. Also tactile, but not so overwhelmingly lovely.
e.g. Go on a tour of a garden of alien plants. In the meantime, arrange for the first delivery of live food to the cat things, and they tear it to pieces as expected. They're also growing really fast, but nothing to worry about, right?
Phase Three: Something ghastly happens. Usually quite vague on the physical details (thank christ) but also the start of the really evil subversion/blame thing that my brain does to me in this dream.
e.g. Cat things dismember their first human victim leaving the bits in my room. It's someone I love and they're doing it because they need to (not their fault) and they wouldn't hurt me (because they love me).
Phase Four: Attempt to solve the problem which goes Very Badly.
e.g. Decide to destroy the cat things, so I capture one of them in a big glass jar (for maximum pathos) but the other one escapes. The one in the jar starts starving to death. I realise that they're silicon based lifeforms and that more of them are evolving/transforming from ahem, my anime figurines. (Wtf brain, thx for that.)
Phase Five: Realise the real solution is to destroy someone or something I love, so I do. This is fucking unrelentingly grim, sometimes involving me crying the whole time.
e.g. I have to burn all my anime figures but for some reason I can't admit to anyone that I've worked out which thing of mine they're transforming from, so instead I have to box up everything I own and throw it on to a fire, with the help of the people who don't understand why people keep getting killed by the still-at-large cat thing and are grieving for their loss.
Phase Six: no real resolution, just more self-blame. Wake up. Have a great day!
I can remember three versions of this sequence in detail and suspect that there are more. I'm hoping that writing this down will help to exorcise it, or at least improve my chances of realising that it's all a dream while I'm in there. Wish me luck, dear reader.
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